Mr Frown

Several things have changed since the time I decided to stop being just a writer, and start a company that consults brands on marketing.

The change that currently has my full attention is my own transformation from a carefree writer to a responsible executive.

While I was always aware of my capabilities, I never truly made an effort to push my own boundaries until a couple of years ago.

Impulsiveness came to me naturally, and the brain was only briefly engaged in any decision making process. As a result, The Universe happened to have complete control of my life.

That's just not how it works any more. There's a voice in my head now - that speculates situations, and likes to question choices before they're made. Let's just call him Mr Frown for now.

Being the newest toy in my head, I happened to, and still do entertain Mr Frown more than any other voice. Consequentially, I have been doing his bidding for some time now.

As you may have gauged, he's trying to compete with the Universe for control of my life.

Interesting, huh?

Even as I write this, Mr Frown has questions. He demands to know why I'm spending valuable time telling the world about his existence, when I could instead be doing something productive.

Amusingly enough, for the first time, I have a really short answer for him.

Shut up. Fuck off.

Change has struck again. Or is it the Universe?

The Only Man I've Ever Looked Up To

There’s a lot many things I learned from my father, but I never really stopped to think about any of that. Earlier today, my mother asked me to wish him a Happy Fathers’ Day. I don’t really believe in the whole concept, and will be the first one to tell you that every day should be Fathers’ Day, and all that jazz. Unfortunately, though, in this busy world of man-eat-man, we often forget to tell people how much they mean to us. Especially the ones close to us.

That’s why I thought it would be a good idea to tell my father how much I’ve learned from him. Oh, and such a coincidence it’s Fathers’ Day!

Let’s start with some general lessons in life I picked up from observing him, and occasionally, from snooping on him.

If you’re looking for a reason to be happy, you’re doing life wrong.

You’re only as good as your greatest weakness.

When you do something for someone, don’t ever let them feel like they owe you anything.

READ. It’ll light up bulbs you never knew existed.

There is no fate but what you make. (My father said that long before John Connor.)

Mistakes will happen, and it’s okay. Just prepare for consequences when you repeat them.

A dog and a motorcycle ride are the two things that’ll make anyone happy.

Every time you go out, dress like it’s the most important day of your life.

Demonstration is always more effective than just talking.

Never talk about people behind their backs.

When a woman is angry, just shut up and listen.

Stand up for what you think is right. Even if the rest of the world thinks you’re wrong.

Working on a machine will teach you more about yourself than anything or anyone else.

Mainstream is boring. Ask the questions most people are afraid to ask.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. The world isn’t such a bad place after all.

Stick to your guns, but throw them when they get old. You don’t want to be firing that.  

Now for something more raw. Straight from the Dad’s mouth. 

“Papa, I need 100 rupees for petrol.” | “Here’s 500. Don’t tell your mother.”

“No one’s going to play with you if the only thing you want to do is bat and bark orders.” | (He made me bowl for the rest of the game.)

“Supporting wheels are for babies.” | I was 4, and riding to glory already.

“Life is hard. Learn to make an omelette.” | (I make the best omelettes ever.)

“Why press a bunch of buttons when you can go out and do the real thing?” – on video games. | (He still hasn’t seen the point.)

“Define your habits. Don’t let them define you.” | (This one I’m still trying to figure out.)

“WHACCKKK!!” – The (well-deserved) slap he planted when I called him a rascal. Read it in Champak and thought I should try it on someone.

“There’s a reason it’s called the dining table. Now come eat before I throw that book out.” | (The book went out.)

“Harold Robbins… hmm. That’s what 15 year-olds read these days?” | (Damn, how did I let him see that?!)

“For every action, there WILL be an equal and opposite reaction.” | Always the Professor of Physics that he is.

“Don’t speak unless you absolutely must.” | (He’s a man of few words.)

“If you make your mother upset again, I’m coming after you with a shotgun.” | (Never happened, thankfully.)

“Next time you hit your sister, I’ll make you punch a wall.” (Ouch!)

“WRITE. It’s the closest you’ll ever get to a photographic memory.” | (He didn’t actually say those words, but that’s what he meant.)

“Your advice only counts when it’s not unsolicited. Choose your words carefully.” | (Kabir aur Rahim ke dohe, on the moonlit terrace)

“Need for Speed? Hmph! About time you drove a real car.” | (I was 11)

“You wore running shoes to a driving lesson? Haha!” | (I don’t know why I remember this.)

“You’re going to Bombay.” | Changed everything about me. He knew it would.

“Your best is yet to come.” | Report card or otherwise.

“Be the bigger man, always.” – When I was 10. | “I didn’t mean that literally.” – Now.

“When you must eat your own words, chew properly so you remember the taste.” | (Ughh, bitter!)

“Angrezi ka koi sar-pair nahi hai. Grammar is in your gut.” | (I still don’t know the actual rules of grammar.)

“If I see you walking with a slouch again, I’ll put you in Maa’s (grandma’s) spine brace.” | (Worked!)

“The lady is carrying a pile of notebooks, and you didn’t even offer to help. How very shameless of you.” | (Chivalry 101, right there.)

“It deserved to live.” | After the neighbours chased and killed a Russell’s Viper in our compound.

“The spider fears you more than you fear it.” | (Didn’t work. I’m still an arachnophobe.)

“Two things will save your life – water and laughter.”

“Be a man of your word. Respect anyone who respects that.” | (Word, Dad.)

“Be proud of who you are. Don’t talk about it. Boasting is for the weak man.”

“Finish what you’ve started.” | (One day, Papa. You know what I’m talking about.)

“Leave him alone. He needs to learn this lesson by himself.” | (To Mom, when I was drowning in my own bad choices.)

“When did you get a job?” | “Last month.” | “Why didn’t you say anything?” | “I didn’t want to.” | “Good.”

“Dad, I’m a smoker.” | (Looks at me for 10 seconds, then shrugs) I felt shame.

“This is…!!” | “Scotch, Papa.” | After a minute, “Achha hai.”| (Yay! First drink with Dad!) 

“Pukaarta chala hoon main…

Gali-gali bahaar ki,

Bas ek chhaon zulf ki…

Bas ikk nigaah pyaar ki” | My personal favourite. Sings it EVERY time he’s driving. Beautifully. 

All right, I’ve said a lot, and there’s much more. I’ll save that for his birthday, maybe.

Here’s to the one man, the only man I’ve ever looked up to. Fathers’ Day or not, I love you Papa.

Damp Cigarette

It’s one of those days you know as a weekday. You’re riding to work, and processing a thousand thoughts at the same time. There are mails to be replied to, post-its to be rubbished and a whole world waiting to be influenced. A random thought makes its way to the front of your brain. It wants to know how your Klout score is going to give you everything you want from life. You dismiss the thought with a snide smile, and order your brain not to bullshit you so early in the morning.

Three minutes and one kilometer later, you’ve veered off course. Where are you headed? You don’t know. Your brain is now at civil war, and you have no idea which side to root for. So you just ride on and watch the war play out. Maybe stop and catch a smoke to make both sides groggy. You’re approaching city limits. Light drops of rain bounce off the tank. Just one more reason to turn back, says a pleading voice in your head. Another thought stabs it in the heart.

The city is now behind you. It’s raining hard. Visibility is poor. The war in your head is over. Through your fogged glasses and the thick rain, you see green. A hill covered in moss. The road angles upward and your engine roars louder. There’s water flowing downhill. It was waiting for you. It flies in pristine white sprays as you make your way through. There’s nothing going through your head. You still have no idea where you are headed. There’s not a single dry bone left on you, but it doesn’t matter. Nothing does.

You can hear your phone ring through folds of plastic in your jeans. Whoever it is probably wants to know where you are. You don’t know the answer to that. So you let the phone ring… one, two, three… four, six, eight… eleven missed calls. It’s still raining. How long have you been riding? Four, maybe five hours? There’s a bend in the road up ahead. Is that salt you smell in the air? The answer’s right around the bend. You speed up. Raindrops pummel your face with resounding smacks.

You’re past the bend. You’re riding on the edge of a cliff. You can see the sea surging below, large waves being swallowed by even larger ones. The rain seems to have slowed down to a drizzle again. You should , too. The engine goes silent as you cut off its drink. It’s a silent ride down the hill now. A lone hut is visible in the distance – its red tile roof barely managing to hold off the wind. A pit stop sounds nice.

Hot tea, dry clothes and a damp cigarette.

She's The One

She doesn't care what the world thinks of her.
She turns me down like it's no big deal.
She's beautiful, but she won't ever flaunt or admit it.
She knows her way and she'll stick to it.
She sticks to her rules and makes me want to make my own.
She has no idea how madly I'm into her.
She takes no shit, but she does let me take charge.
She loves exploring the unknown and unseen.
She has too soft a spot for books.
She'll take my hand, but let go at the right moment.
She doesn't believe in love.
She can make you feel like a new person altogether.
She's the reason my heart has bass.
BUT,
She's fictional.
The End.

[Edit - December 13, 2014] Her fictional nature is now under review.

I am You

Believe.

What I am is not what you feel,
What I am decides how you feel.

I make you love yourself.
I make you dare.
You do not know how, yet you know deep within.
Every question has an answer that lies herein.

Make what you will of me, I will not leave your side.
Take what you want, but you won't take me for a ride.

I make you rise, uphold that tall walk,
And you know when you're talking, it's not just empty talk.
You hold your ground in a battle of the eyes,
Because your eyes, they tell no lies.

Less is more, more is even more,
The boat may have drowned - I make you swim ashore.

There is no supreme but you,
Yet I say, there are others too.
I power love, hatred and desire.
Lose me... and out goes the fire.

You still may not know who I am,
But finding me may be your greatest triumph.

The Teach India Story

      Bunty Patil is 18 years old and is about to graduate from high school. Swati Mhatre is a 25 year old housewife and mother. Vinod Balid is a 32 year old sales assistant. It’s hard to imagine what these three can possibly have in common. Well, it’s this – they’re classmates – in a special classroom where they assemble every evening for two hours of thorough training in Spoken English. Living in a country where people judge other people by their ability/inability to speak English, held back by not-so-readily-available finances, and victims of a flawed education system, they are trying to move up in life.

      As much as we may want to deny it, we Indians have an inexplicable bias toward people who can speak the language our erstwhile rulers spoke. Since you’ve had a good education and spoke English growing up, it might not seem like that much of a deal. Unfortunately, though, you and people like you make up around (just) 10-15% of the Indian population.  As you might already know, almost half of the citizens of India fall below the poverty line. Considering the fact that our government believes 28 Rupees are enough to live for a day, it won’t be surprising if a more significant fraction actually figures in that category. With increasing expenses and ever-evolving lifestyles, it has become quite difficult to make a living in this “developing” nation of ours.

      “Teach India” is an initiative of the Times Group. In close association with several NGOs all over the country, they have set up a simple, yet, powerful tool for educating underprivileged youth in English. The ability to use English effectively allows these youngsters to explore several career options that they would otherwise be unable to. The same government that defines people as ‘literate’ – if they are just able to sign their name in any Indian language – refuses to give jobs to people because they are not qualified enough. The service industry, which is majorly a private sector, has come as a boon to these not-qualified-enough people. They can now get stable jobs just on the basis of their talent and with a fair command of the English language.

      This is where Teach India kicks in. After a painstaking survey of mammoth proportions, the course of study was designed by the British Council. It is a unique approach to teaching English, and focuses on the practical aspects of learning a language. There is no rote learning, no lessons on the rules of grammar and no tests/exams. Instead, there are modules that deal with the major facets of getting fluent in English. The students learn by actually applying the language in conversations, role-plays, and team activities. Teachers are volunteers from several walks of life, all with a sense of giving back to society, and driven by the urge to usher change. They are recruited through a stringent screening process, and put through a month-long training on how to teach in this radical new way.

      I have already finished teaching one batch, am almost done with another, and I can vouch for the methods and the effectiveness of the curriculum. It is amazing to see how a person who could not speak more than a few broken words is now able to hold full-fledged conversations. To be honest, it is not as much the lack of knowledge as the lack of confidence that makes the difference. Once the fear is gone, it stays gone, and beautiful sentences emerge. When it comes to that, I must admit that I was surprised at the creativity and hidden talent on more than one occasion, and these occasions grow more frequent as the course progresses.

      I’m sure you’ve all been part of discussions related to the state of the country – in trains, in cafes, at airports, or just about anywhere you can get a conversation started. We love talking about this stuff and how we have been touched by the (usually corrupt) system in one way or another. Enough talking, I say! So far, Teach India has successfully completed 4 cycles in Delhi-NCR, and 3 cycles in Mumbai, reaching out to more than 7000 learners. The last year saw learners performing superbly in job fairs - with almost 70% candidates getting job offers. Even in such a short span, the results have begun to speak for themselves.

      So, do you have it in you to actually make a difference?